Exiting Messy

When we go on a trip, we want everything “in order.”  The end of our life seems like the ultimate “trip.”  I imagine myself ideally having everything neat, tidy, and in its place, preferably with a pretty bow.  I am sitting around in my orderly environment, having checked off everything on my TTD (things to do) list.  I would have made huge impacts on my causes and raised impeccable, philanthropic children.  At the same time, I would have a clean kitchen and toilets.

I would perhaps be sipping perfect chai with the right mix of ginger and cardamon; which didn’t boil over while I went to go do something else (on my TTD list).  While enjoying my chai on my chaise wrapped in a soft comfy blanket from India (if it’s cold), I would revel in knowing that everything I could imagine accomplishing has been accomplished; and now I can peacefully rest, as in the ultimate rest…

Of course the realist in me realizes I have to tame the idealist in me and the above scenario will most likely not transpire.  It hasn’t for the celebrities that have passed recently, along with those in my personal life.  The departures have certainly made me think more of my mortality and how I would measure my life when my time comes.

Recent “exits” have prompted me to think more in terms of what truly matters to me. I want to try to focus more on these and let the remaining “static” go…I think of priorities as a pie chart in my brain.  There are appropriate pieces allotted to each priority.  My infant daughter, Maya, for instance, takes the biggest piece for now.  Next, there is a tie between my husband and son, followed by my pets, then my goals and dreams.  If other elements support these allocations, they are filtered in; if not, they are filtered out.

The older I am getting; and as I see fellow comrades depart, I see that I have to be increasingly judicious in allocating my time, energy, and resources.  I am increasingly realizing that there is a limit to what and how much we can give, so we have to learn to make wiser choices everyday.  This way, the realist in me can try to meet my idealistic image a little more everyday.